Breaking up is Hard to do.

Great song, but so painful in real life.

I think the first phase after losing someone you've cherished from your life is disbelief. How do you go from being so close, to not speaking at all? If you were the one who left, you are probably struggling with wondering if you did the right thing in ending the relationship, if there was something more you could have tried, something you missed. If you were the one left, you may be struggling with insecurity, abandonment, possibly even trying to take on responsibility for the break up and wanting to fix something that can’t be fixed. All this leaves us with guilt and anger and frustration which all seem to end in depression.

The array of emotions that follow the break-up of a relationship, platonic or romantic, are so wide spread it leaves you feeling as if you are in the ocean being pummeled by one wave after another and wondering if you'll ever be able to breathe again.

I think any relationship is worth working for, but there does have to be limits. You must never, ever give more of yourself than you have to give. You must never ever sacrifice yourself in the hopes of making a relationship work. Anyone who would ask this of you, truly doesn’t know what it means to be friend. 

This is a classic red flag that you’ve found someone
too immature to be involved in a real relationship and if you don’t desire walking away entirely, at least put some distance up and protect yourself. 

The sad fact is that more people than not will use you if you let them. We absolutely have to learn how to protect ourselves and how to say no to people. Even with the best of intentions, people hurt one another. We are all broken in some way, have some level of baggage and when we least mean to... we do something that goes awry and someone gets hurt. How we handle it though is what matters.

Open communication on both sides, no matter how uncomfortable, is the only way to keep a relationship healthy and viable.

In the event that the worst happens and the relationship ends, whether it’s a marriage, a friendship or a familial bond, it’s painful and that pain will always bring out the worst in people. I know how much it hurts. I know how much you wanted it to work, how much you crave answers and clarification, but if the relationship is past salvaging, it's time to learn, heal and move on. Don't make it worse by trying to drag in family members, loved ones or half of Facebook. Stand strong in your strength and dignity and let the dust settle around you.

If you are the kind of person who is sensitive and worries about everyone else all the time like I am, I know how hard it is to truly let a relationship go, to let the person go. You loved them, gave them your heart, soul and trust… you don’t want to be wrong about that. You don’t want your heart to be broken anymore, but what I want to tell you without doubt, is if they’ve taught you they can’t be a safe person for you, listen. People will show you who they are, believe them.

Break ups are hard, they are some of the worst life deals us, but find the thread of good from it all and let it grow you stronger. Let god give you beauty for ashes because at the end of it all... life is good, God remembers, and you will be blessed for your efforts in that relationship and in life. The people who truly love you will stand beside you and those that won’t, it’s better you know that now… right?